I cannot find my penis.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize