I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
