Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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