Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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