I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
