In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
