Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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