I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
