dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
