Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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