I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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