I love black thongs
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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