he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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