you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
