What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
