I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm both gender and math confused
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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