So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
