there's paper in my vomit.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
