You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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