What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
