I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
