My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize