Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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