Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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