I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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