Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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