they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
