4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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