his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm getting married
To pizza
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
