i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize