Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize