Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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