I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
