Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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