I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize