I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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