"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
