how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize