Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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