Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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