honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
