When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
