I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
