I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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