it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
