nut hugger
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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