I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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