the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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