$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
