yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
