you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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