I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize