On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
