I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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