am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
MIDGETS
????
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
