im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
