I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she woke up with a sticky ear
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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