the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
