Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
