Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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