Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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