You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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