he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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