One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
