I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
