perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
