I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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