Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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