I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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