Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
