so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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