evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
