ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
