OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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