I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
