She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
