in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize