I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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