It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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