And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Small penises have feelings too.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
