Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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