Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I need to calm my uterus...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
