I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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