first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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