They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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