how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize