I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
