my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
