He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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