i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
