That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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