so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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