I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
