He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
