i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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