i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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