Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
