you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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