you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
