Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
