I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
