That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize