Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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