I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
