I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
